As a plus, you can probably use it to trim your vaj, too.
Trunk Club: There's no nicer way to tell someone they dress like a fucking slob than to provide them with a viable alternative.
A Real Fucking Watch: It doesn't have to be this one, but you could do a lot worse than the Vincero Chrono S.
Horology is one of those things that a small subset of very annoying people get way too into (hence the term horology), but you don't need to go hunting for a vintage Patek Philippe that costs more than your literal worth as a human being.
He'll look better, and you can use the time to nurse your crippling insecurity—a win-win!