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But it’s a lot of work, and most of those interactions are either a superficial chat on your phone or a superficial date. I do think you’re almost guaranteed — if both people really participate in the questions — to feel a sense of closeness. Bonos: You write about how much love stories shape our ideas about love.

Specifically, you couldn’t tell how much of your desire for a spouse was you — was real — and how much was scripted, based on how girls are taught to want all of that.

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But rather, it’s a collection of essays about how love stories shape our ideas about love, sometimes in unproductive and misleading ways.

She charts the origin stories in her family — how her grandparents and parents got together and Catron’s own experiences falling in and out of love — while wrestling with what she really wants out of an intimate relationship.

Catron: It’s really a matter of identifying the scripts.

I went to this personal growth retreat, where I talked about what we know about the ways stories influence how we think about the world.

I do know that, when I was in the relationship with my ex-boyfriend Kevin, I went away to go to the Banff Center to do this writers’ studio program. I remember talking on the phone to one of my best friends and saying: “You know what, I think I’ve realized that I’m actually writing this book as a way to try and figure out if I want to be in this relationship.” And she was like: “Yeah!