I felt so sexy in those moments; it only followed I must have looked that way.
Now I realized what a sadistic game drinking played. We both baby-stepped toward each other, one refusal to lie at a time.
This wasn't the first time I had tried online dating.
About six months after I moved to New York, I signed on to
Back when I was dating my college boyfriend Patrick, who was sober, he would pull away from me when I was buzzed and handsy.
"You smell like a brewery," he'd say, and I didn't get it.
I'd had quiet sex, and giggling sex, and sex so delicate it was like a soap bubble perched on the tip of my finger. I didn't want to watch some guy's face fall when I ordered a Diet Coke and then endure the pecks of his curiosity.